An Irish Lament

I flew to Belfast; it wasn't a holiday.

I scattered my Dad's ashes in the River Lagan and buried my uncle.

It had been lashing down in Northern Ireland.

And then as I was flying home Sinead O'Connor died and I wondered what a conversation between her and Dolores O'Riordan of The Cranberries would sound like in death.

Dante wrote of heaven, Paradiso, in his 14th Century work, The Divine Comedy.

The weather wasn't much better in heaven. The clouds remained powerful and dense and there was a heaviness that just wouldn't go away.

But it was peaceful all the same with little to worry about and time to relax, escaping the burden that hell on earth had so tragically become.

There was plenty of light which helped the mood.

Dolores checked-in to heaven in January 2018.

Sinead had just arrived.

"What a shite summer you've had, it's been rotten," Dolores stated.

"What about ye, Dolores, you are bang on, but I never went outside so it was always dark in my world, London is morbid," reflected Sinead.

Sinead continued, "I'm the last who should criticise, but why the hell were you drinking in the bath?"

"Do you mind if I called you Sinead?" Dolores sheepishly asked.

"You know I was in London?

"It's fine," Dolores eventually added, "you're the last person I would expect to not ask questions.

"I'd struggled so long with bipolar, but I was doing well, taking the right amount of medication, and doing a bit of gigging, getting back into it. There was an album on the way.

"I just felt like a drink to be honest, Sinead, sometimes I just had to get hammered.

"The bipolar was a bad dose. My whole life if I'm honest. I was manic.

"I'd been going well and then something would trigger me. Something simple would go wrong and then the depression, the darkness, would set in. If I didn't get it under control, I was gone for a week, a total nightmare. It was wick!

"I acted the eejit, Sinead, and my family paid the price," Dolores commented and then paused.

Sinead listened carefully, she felt comfortable with Dolores for the first time in a long time.

"What about that ridiculous spat we had? We were all hepped up!

"What was all that about?" Sinead asked rhetorically as pause was again had.

"You weren't the only one who helped shape my music, Sinead, but you were a big influence.

"I thought you hated me. I thought you thought I was copying your style. I thought you were embarrassed of me and I gave Ireland a bad name.

"I'm glad we sorted it out before I headed up here, but it probably shouldn't have taken me to deck an airline steward before you reached out," Dolores said pointedly.

"What about ye then, Sinead?

"I have kept an eye on Shane since he arrived. I am so very sorry Sinead. He's way too young to be about here." Dolores continued.

"I tried to crack on, but I had to be back with him," replied Sinead.

"We could no longer be apart, what was the point of living without him? My one task was to look after him, to protect him and I couldn't, I didn't, I failed.

"For the few good days of music and that song that wasn't even mine, the death of my boy took the joy and memories from me.

"There was no point living any longer," Sinead lamented.

"I'm so very sorry, Sinead, I don't have words," Dolores empathised.

"I can watch down on my children and check their progress, I can offer them support through ensuring they feel loved, but to leave them has been hard to settle even in this place," she continued.

"I thought, for my sins, I would have been sent to some pagan hell," Sinead chuckled.

"I didn't think they would allow anyone like me near the place after I tore up that picture of the pope on US TV," she reflected.

"You were so brave to hold your ground and to stay on stage at the Bob Dylan tribute, I would have run for the hills, most of us loved you for it," Dolores frankly explained.

"Ah Dolores, what was I to do? I had always stood my ground even when I was most scared.

"I put my career on the line every single day. I had to be me.

"I had to be somebody who didn't yield. It wasn't to be noticed and I didn't ever think of the consequences no matter who told me of the risks.

"I just had to be me," Sinead explained.

"Is that why you eventually turned to Islam?" Dolores asked.

"I hope you don't mind but I will always call you Sinead unless you insist otherwise," she added.

"Converting to Islam gave me the truth I was looking for Dolores.

"But not even Islam could save my boy from himself.

"Och aye Dolores, anyway, I knew my God wasn't a bloke..." Sinead chortled.

Dolores and Sinead, still full of regret, still tortured, and still in search of peace went about their day.

The mere mortals in heaven knew they were stars.